I shared my poem in Russian with my friend, Vladimir Korobov. And he sent this beautiful couplet back, from a Russian poet, Osip Mandelstam. I loved it.
Образ твой, мучительный и зыбкий,
Я не мог в тумане осязать.
"Господи!" - сказал я по ошибке,
Сам того не думая сказать.
Rough English Translation:
Your image, painful and fragile,
I could not feel in a fog.
"Lord!" - I said by mistake,
He did not think to say.
My version
Your image, painful and fragile,
I could not feel in a fog.
"Lord!" - I said by mistake,
And a loving embrace I got
Update Nov 19/2010
I obtained the rest of the poem today:
Образ твой, мучительный и зыбкий,
Я не мог в тумане осязать.
"Господи!" - сказал я по ошибке,
Сам того не думая сказать.
Божье имя, как большая птица,
Вылетало из моей груди.
Впереди густой туман клубится,
И пустая клетка позади.
So, will make a change to the previous version (Changed Sep 2020)
Your image, painful and fragile,
I could not feel in a fog.
"Lord!" - I said by mistake,
Without thinking of saying it
God's name like a big bird
flew out of my chest in a rage
Leaving a foggy swirl ahead
And an empty cage in the back
Changed using Google Translate (Sep 2020)
Your image, painful and unsteady,
I could not touch in the fog.
"Lord!" - I said by mistake,
Without thinking to say it.
God's name is like a big bird
Flew out of my chest.
Ahead a thick fog swirls
And an empty cage behind.
Reflection -
Saying the Lord's name is like flinging open the cage and freeing your soul.
Singing oneness!
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